I can tuck mytits in my pants
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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