We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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