well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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