Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
