Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
