It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
