You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
