my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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