I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
