He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
