Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
