Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
