My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
