ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
