If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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