its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
