White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize