Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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