She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
