We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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