he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
