Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
