When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
