end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize