so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
