this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
