no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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