the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
