is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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