Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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