just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
