just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
