They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
