I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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