i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
