i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
