i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize