Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
