Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
