Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
