Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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