Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
