The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
