I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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