just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
God I need to hump something, right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
