im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
