First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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