I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize