honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
