Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
