Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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