i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
