I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
