i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize