i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so much tequila, so little girl.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
