i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
