He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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