hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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