I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
