my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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