nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
