It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
