just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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