I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
