all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
