Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
