He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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