You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
